About Mom at Christmas

  Christmas tree ornaments, I miss the ones she gave me when Moria was a baby. She sneaked them off of my tree in Emmitsburg after I took her to New York for a Star Trek convention where she met several stars and she and my in laws stayed at the Penta hotel. I paid for the entire trip, including her round trip train fare from South Carolina and all of our meals . When she got home from the train and called me and said " by the way, I took back my tree ornaments". Freaked me out. They had been a Christmas gift years earlier, not a loan. I never could guess what she was up to. 😱

Some days

 

some days I just can't win. I have been so depressed, I just had to go back to bed and try to pray. I struggled with the rosary prayers and just had to cry. It wasn't because of my pain, which was pretty bad due to being late with my morning meds, but mainly sad memories. 

When Joe was little, mom took him to the barber without telling me and brought him home with his beautiful golden curls all gone. She didn't save me a lock as a keepsake, and it broke my heart. 

When Gracie was a baby, her father took her on his weekend visit and had her hair cut short. All her beautiful golden curls were gone too. I just cried. My husband told me not to let my ex see me cry. Nobody cared how I felt. Now what makes me cry all of the time is how my son rejects me because of a bad DNA company 

All I can do is pray and it's so difficult. I need my prayer partners to help.

Keeps me awake

a lot od things keep me awake: physical pain, anxiety, depression and unresolved heartbreak. tonight it was anguish over something that happened to me in 1970. it was a confusing time, and someone I thought was a friend, sneaked into my room at night and raped me. I was so confused, it wrecked my life. It actually took me 30 years to even clearly understand it was not my fault. I was asleep and thought I was alone. when I woke up it was too late. I was only 15, so under the age of consent and he was 18. I had clearly told him no earlier in the evening. It is horrible that anyone does such things. I was confused and manipulated for some time afterwards and I ended up leaving my boyfriend because I couldn't tell hím what happened, and I felt I wasn't good wnough for him anymore. I felt that way for many years. Nobody had a right to do that to me