Doctors, pains, one and the same

I'm having a bit of a rant today, because it matters to me that my feelings don't matter enough to my doctor to bother to speak to me on the phone, and then yell at me when I am in her exam room!
I had an appointment all set up in advance, arranged to get a ride, and when I realized last week that my pills would run out the day before my appointment, I phoned, got passed around from one person to the next for an hour or more, finally leaving a voicemail letting her know what the problem was going to be in having to wait over 24 hours without meds.
When her receptionist phoned me back, after more phone calls this week, yesterday [one day before the appointment] she told me the dr insists on doing my lab work before letting me have any refills.
No choices, no pills until after my appointment. by that time, I was already in pain from waiting for the call back, and even stopped by the pharmacy on the way home from group therapy, only to find nothing waiting for me.
I was a little short with the receptionist, God forbid! I said "I don't appreciate being made to suffer until the appointment, but I'll tell the dr that when I see her."
I never raised my voice, I just said it was a problem for me.

Well, when I go even one hour past pill time, the pain levels start creeping upward, so after being in agony all night, not even able to sit at the computer and play games or chat with anyone, it hurt too much to sit here, and after never getting any sleep due to pain....... until I finally conked out around 10 am, my alarm was set for 11:30, so I reset it for 1:00pm.
O.k., pain coupled with a severe asthma attack in the middle of the night, and the weather from hell...... I was barely able to walk into the dr's office when Hellen took me there.
So, I got my blood pressure and weight, and the dr came in and yelled at me for being cross with her staff!
I just started crying. I don't just feel horrible, I have far worse depression when I'm in pain.

it was just awful. She mistakenly thought I was still taking the meds that made my vision blurry, although I told her 'staff' well over a month ago I had to quit taking it.
Communication!!!!

nobody knows what that is anymore. maybe they never did.
So, she forced me to suffer for my own good, with the erroneous notion that I was still consuming a dangerous drug.
NOW I can have blood work once a year instead of every 6 months.
Bozo bitch.

I called and left a short voicemail for my therapist, since she needs to know when I suffer worse depression, and it did get bad. I had to make sure my sharp knives are in the drawer and not on display in the wooden rack, so I could go to the frig without wanting to slit my wrists.......
I am determined to survive, in spite of the crap that keeps kicking my ass.

I am starting to feel a bit better, but it still hurts badly under my right arm in the ribs, as well as my back, and my right shoulder......
worse than all of the other pain.

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one good thing, my oldest daughter and I had a few good conversations today. it helps to know somebody cares that I'm hurting and depressed and anguished.

I DID tell my dr that I have major depression and anxiety and such, and that my rides are so terribly much harder to arrange, but I still think she was out of line to insist that I wait JUST IN CASE I failed to show up for the lab work! When in doubt, ASK ME!!!!!

I had to put off most ordinary housework, and finally managed to bathe my dog tonight [emergency pooh-stink] but it killed my back so badly! it's a good thing she only weighs 5 pounds.

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speaking of weight, I have lost 14 pounds dieting since july first.

turmoil and disfunction

there are a lot of things that come from having been abused, everybody knows there is depression, anger, cycles of more abuse/victimizations in families, spousal abuse, elder abuse. What is bothering me most often is the post traumatic stress; horrible nightmares, insomnia, family members who are in various stages of denial, and poverty. Obviously not all victims become poverty stricken, but poverty is often the result of abuse, and certainly comes from bad spouses who abuse then abandon you to let you scrape together whatever you can after they have used you up and left you penniless.

Our government is partially responsible, for not enforcing it's own laws about fair division of household monies in all divorces, and by punishing the downtrodden every time we try to make a step forward, they keep pushing us back and taking away our livelihood.

Making better laws is crucial. Women and children will always be the most abused and dispossessed if we do nothing to stop it. All spouses with earnings should be required to put in to social security for their spouses, and gender has no boundries here, wives can abuse husbands too, so don't think this is a 'man-hater's club, not at all. Equality in finances is simply the first and most important thing to make us free from more abuses.

If I had been working for someone other than my husband for 10 years, my social security would be almost double what it is, I had no idea he cheated me out of my work earnings by never claiming me as an employee.
Does the government care to intervien? Nope.
Big surprise.

Life is hard enough without bullies in every direction. We need to grow better people.