Ostracism & Isolation

Quote;
Professor: Pain of ostracism can be deep, long-lasting (5/21/2011)
Tags:
self-esteem, social rejection


Ostracism or exclusion may not leave external scars, but it can cause pain that often is deeper and lasts longer than a physical injury, according to a Purdue University expert.
"Being excluded or ostracized is an invisible form of bullying that doesn't leave bruises, and therefore we often underestimate its impact," said Kipling D. Williams, a professor of psychological sciences. "Being excluded by high school friends, office colleagues, or even spouses or family members can be excruciating. And because ostracism is experienced in three stages, the life of those painful feelings can be extended for the long term. People and clinicians need to be aware of this so they can avoid depression or other negative experiences."
When a person is ostracized, the brain's dorsal anterior cingulate cortex, which registers physical pain, also feels this social injury, Williams said. The process of ostracism includes three stages: the initial acts of being ignored or excluded, coping and resignation.
Williams' research is reported in the current issue of Current Directions in Psychological Sciences. The article was co-authored by Steve A. Nida, associate provost and dean of The Citadel Graduate College and a professor of psychology.
"Being excluded is painful because it threatens fundamental human needs, such as belonging and self-esteem," Williams said. "Again and again research has found that strong, harmful reactions are possible even when ostracized by a stranger or for a short amount of time."
More than 5,000 people have participated in studies using a computer game designed by Williams to show how just two or three minutes of ostracism can produce lingering negative feelings.
"How can it be that such a brief experience, even when being ignored and excluded by strangers with whom the individual will never have any face-to-face interaction, can have such a powerful effect?" he said. "The effect is consistent even though individuals' personalities vary."
People also vary in how they cope, which is the second stage of ostracism. Coping can mean the person tries to harder be included. For example, some of those who are ostracized may be more likely to engage in behaviors that increase their future inclusion by mimicking, complying, obeying orders, cooperating or expressing attraction.

from;

http://www.brainmysteries.com/research/Professor_Pain_of_ostracism_can_be_deep_long-lasting.asp?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+BrainMysteries+%28Brain+News+And+Research%29&utm_content=My+Yahoo


**************************************************
the rest of this post is not a quote from anyone, but personal observations.
Isolation was a big factor in the way my parents exerted control over me.
The same day my son was born [I was 12 years old], our family moved to a new house many miles from where we had been living. So, a new school, new neighbors, no phone for the first few days...... suddenly I was in strange territory, even though I had formerly lived in the same neighborhood years prior, I didn't know anyone very well. Our next door neighbor was someone I had known vaguely during early elementary school, as well as the girl across the street, who never spoke to me. I was immediately thrust into a caretaker role, having to walk quickly from my junior high school to my siblings elementary school for the first few weeks to meet my younger siblings and walk them home every day.
This limited the amount of time I had for developing new friendships, although one very nice girl used to walk with me until our paths diverged.

More time constraints were imposed, after arriving home with my siblings, I had to all of the household chores, with the small exception of my mother's laundry and my son's laundry, as my mother "didn't trust" me to do it right. Dish washing, cooking, laundry washing, drying and ironing, folding, putting away for all of the other 6 members of the family, dusting, sweeping, vaccuuming, my older brother fed the dogs and took out the trash, those were considered boys work.

All of my time was taken up with chores and homework, followed by 'babysitting' when my mother went out friday and saturday nights.

I was not allowed to keep in touch with my best friend from all of my life.... and I was terribly shy.

Secrets isolate as well. There were so many things I was never allowed to talk about, even with my grandparents who loved me.

People are NEVER property.
Ostracism and isolation are forms of control/bullying.
We must never tolerate these actions and must learn to recognize these as earmarks of abuse.