spiritual journey

I am currently doing the Total Consecration to Jesus through Mary, and am on day 16 of 33. When I pray this prayer aloud;



Ave Maris Stella

Hail, O Star of the ocean,
God's own Mother blest,
ever sinless Virgin,
gate of heav'nly rest.
Taking that sweet Ave,
which from Gabriel came,
peace confirm within us,
changing Eve's name.
Break the sinners' fetters,
make our blindness day,
Chase all evils from us,
for all blessings pray.
Show thyself a Mother,
may the Word divine
born for us thine Infant
hear our prayers through thine.
Virgin all excelling,
mildest of the mild,
free from guilt preserve us
meek and undefiled.
Keep our life all spotless,
make our way secure
till we find in Jesus,
joy for evermore.
Praise to God the Father,
honor to the Son,
in the Holy Spirit,
be the glory one. Amen.



I cannot help but see how perfect a Mother Mary was and is, in comparison to my earthly mother, and also compared to me.
even the part about 'undefiled' is not possible for us to be, as were were violated against our will. I know my mother was a shy and anxious type of person, quite different form myself, and she probably did not even voice objections to the ones who violated her, while fought tooth and nail.

I do know, when I became aware that my husband was harming my daughters, I put a stop to it. It was not a simple thing to do, monsters do not quietly go away. But I was willing to die to save my children.
My mother was unwilling to suffer shame for my sake.

Anyway, the fact that our heavenly mother is so perfect helps me to see my own faults, and to be a bit more forgiving of my mother's, although I can not understand the inaction and enabling she did.

I still have a long journey to forgiveness.